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| photo credit: google images |
Click, I turned on the light switch close to my
bedside to properly search for my phone. Without checking to see who was
calling, I answered the phone “hello, who is this” I said in a throaty voice
“Ada, Ada it’s me Anna” the frantic note in my
friend’s voice cleared the sleep from my eyes. “Anna, Anna what is it, what’s
wrong, is everything ok, please tell me everything is ok” I say to her,
wondering what could have happened to Anna for her to call me by 2:30am.
Before I knew what was happening Anna busted into
tears “I’m dropping out of school Ada, my parents demanded that I get married
to a man older than my father” she said sounding incoherent. “What?” I said
unable to believe that Anna’s parent could do something like that. “Ada, I’m
pregnant” Anna said in a quiet voice
I was left speechless from shock and my legs
couldn’t hold me up anymore so I fell to the floor, I couldn’t fathom what was
happening, I kept on telling myself that it wasn’t happening, Ada this is just
a nightmare. In all my sixteen years on earth, I never imagined something as
terrible as this happening to any of my friends. What Anna had just told me was
equivalent to asking my 16 year old friend Anna to take a bullet to the head.
Anna and I went to St. Jude Secondary School Lokoja
Kogi state, we’ve been friends for over 6years. She graduated as the best
student in our class and we both applied to study medicine at the University of
Nigeria Nsukka. Anna got accepted but unfortunately I didn’t. As the first
daughter of her family, her parents wanted her to learn tailoring so that she
could contribute to her older brother’s schooling. Luckily for her, she got a
full scholarship from SHELL. So yes things were looking rosy for her.
“Hello, hello Ada are you there” Anna asked in a
shaky voice “yes I’m here, Anna what are you going to do, defer your admission
so that you can retain your scholarship?” I asked a bit confused on how to advise
her.
“I can’t Ada, he doesn’t want me to continue
schooling” she replied “he even has a wife and four girls already. He told me
he wanted a son and when I give him one, he would open up a shop for me. He said
he didn’t want a wife who would be feeling big because she went to a big
university to study medicine, all he wanted was a submissive wife who would take
care of his house, his children and himself” she said crying uncontrollably.
“Who is he?” I asked “he is Chief Mazi, the special
adviser to the governor on business matter, he helped my father secure a land
in felele and this was my father’s way of saying thank you, can you imagine”
she replied with a humorless chuckle
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| photo credit: Flickr |
“Why didn’t you tell your parents No, why didn’t
you speak to your father about your feelings or even talk to the priest about
it or ….”
“Because no one would listen” she replied cutting
me short “because I told my father and all I got was a beating for my trouble”
she angrily said “What! Your father beat you because you didn’t want to get
married to a man older than him?” I asked unable to comprehend her father’s
action.
“Yes, he did!” she screamed “I’m at my wits end and
I don’t know what to do, my dreams have been dashed away and tossed aside like
a piece of garbage” she said crying profusely
“What of your mum, can’t you ask her for help or
advice” I asked. Giving a humorless laugh she replied “my mum, my mum, I
thought she’d understand, I thought I’d find comfort from her, I was sold by my
mother. Ada my mother sold me” she said in heart wrenching sob. “Sold you, How?
I don’t understand” I said
“she took me to his house and told me to accept my
lot in life as a girl and I would come to one day thank them for what they were
doing, saying to me every girl ended up in the kitchen in spite of the level of
education she has. That night, he raped me with a glee on his face, I can’t
call it rape because I lost my will, I lost my voice, I lost my dream and I
lost my dignity because I’m a girl, no one will stand up for me or speak up for
me, not my church, not my mother, not my brother, not my relative and
definitely not society because according to them a girl does not have an
opinion and she definitely doesn’t have a voice” she said sounding hysterical.
“Anna, Anna why are you sounding this way, all is
not lost, Anna wait, Anna don’t do something you’d regrets” I said shouting as
the line goes dead
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| photo credit: Flickr |
The above story is an excerpt from a real life
event. To this day the shock of what she had told me still leaves a bitter
taste in my mouth and it created an awareness for me, which is that, we still leave
in a society that stereotypes the way a female child is raised or seen, a
female child is still viewed as inferior to the male, at school a female child
is not given equal opportunity as the male child and if she happens to be
brilliant, it was seen as a waste and the next thing you’d hear is “if only she
was a boy, she’d have gone on to have better opportunities in politics” it’s
even worse when you are young and happen to be leading men older than you,
you’d be viewed as an ashawo who slept with the boss to get there even though
your work speaks for you.
I don’t want to castigate or judge women or girls
for the decision they have made, I don’t have all the answers as I am still in
search of it myself. But I do know that until we (girls) start standing up for
our self, no one will. I might give all the solutions to the problem but until you
seize opportunities and make decisions for yourself the equality we are all
fighting for would continue to remain a word.
October 11th marks the international day
of the girl. The story of my friend is a pathetic one and it’s sadly still
happening even to this very day. The violence against the female child is real,
a society that blames a female child for being raped or abused emotional, a
society that condones this, such a society is one that is truly going down the
rubbish bin. I’m a feminist and I fight for gender equality and right of a girl
child. Let’s leave a world for our children, where our boys would be treated
equally and given an opportunity to contribute positively to the growth of our
country in spite of being young and for our girls a world where they would be
appreciated and respected for their opinions and will to succeed.
Don’t forget to like my page on facebook, comment,
share and follow my blog.
Make sense!
ReplyDeleteBut though I like the view of Chief Mazi
Interesting piece. I pray the world become a better place for us all.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I hope so as well and hopefully we'll achieve it
Delete